Fury of the Storm
by BTR-aholic
Summary: A Two-Shot, in Kendall's POV from Tainted Love. He see's red when he's angry, but what happens when he almost kills Logan in a fit of rage, what does he go through to change, and what will he do to make it right? KOGAN.
1. Fury of the Storm

**A/N: I wanted to do a story in Kendall's POV and I know I said it would be a one shot, but now it will be a two shot. Here is the first part. Enjoy.**

**Fury of the Storm**

**Part 1**

Fury. That seemed to be the only emotion I could process when I looked at my phone and saw the picture I had just received from Jo. MY Logan was sitting on the coach in the lobby holding Dak's hand. He knew that he wasn't allowed to talk to Dak. He knew that I didn't like him. How dare he disobey me. How dare he go behind my back. _Looks like Logan really cares about you, huh?_ Jo's words were taunting me.

I didn't know what to do or even how to handle this information. I sat down on my bed and stared ahead. How could Logan do this to me? How could he even do this. He must have intentionally messed up today, just so he could stay behind and use that as a cover to hang out with Dak. That had to be what it was.

I felt my leg start to jiggle and knew that as soon as I saw Logan I was going to lose it completely. He was cheating on me, he deserved what he had coming. I looked back down at my phone before I heard our bedroom door open and when it did I saw Logan walking in. He looked broken and down. I wanted to destroy him. I would destroy him.

"Jo sent this to me." I said through gritted teeth and held up my phone showing him the picture I had received. I couldn't help but snarl at him. "Looks like Logan really cares about you, huh?" I said having already remembered the line written on there.

I waited for him to respond and he hesitated for a few moments. "Kendall, its not what it looks like." He said in a pathetic and weak voice. It only angered me more that he could be so weak.

"Oh really? Because it looks like he's holding your hand. It looks like you are trying to make me look like a fool, Logan!" I said. I was so angry that I couldn't stop myself when I pulled my arm back and chucked my phone at him. I couldn't help but be mad that I had missed his head only by an inch.

Logan looked frantic at this point. "Kendall, he was waiting for me in the lobby. He cornered me, I tried to walk away but he kept pulling me back down. That's what is going on here. I'm not cheating on you, I don't talk to Dak. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him." Logan said desperately.

He was lying. He had been fucking Dak and then he had the audacity to come back here to me. He was going to pay. I would make sure of that. I started walking towards him and passed him. When I reached the door, I slammed it as hard as I could.

I turned around and grabbed Logan by the back of his head and slammed him down onto the ground as hard as I possibly could. "You think you can go behind my back and see Dak? Is that why you sucked today, were you hoping that Gustavo would make you stay there so that you could see Dak?" I looked down at him waiting for him to answer. When he didn't answer my anger only intensified. I kicked him in the side and screamed, "ANSWER ME!"

I watched with a smirk as he gasped for air. It took him a few moments before he could finally speak. "Kendall, I didn't know that Dak was going to be there. I swear, I love you. I don't want anything to do with him." Logan said. He was completely broken thanks to me.

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that I was the only one, but I couldn't be. I treated him like shit, of course he was fucking Dak. I didn't deserve him. That only made my anger worse. I kicked him again, only this time it was harder. "WHY? Why would you betray me like that?" I screamed at him. I needed to know why. I started pacing the room and I put my face in my hands. I was losing control. I couldn't lose control. "Do you not want to be with me? I have protected you and defended you from everyone! Then you...you do this?"

I watched as he looked down. I could see the shame in his face. "I'm so sorry Kendall, please, please forgive me." He pleaded.

I couldn't forgive him. I wouldn't. "You're sorry? You're sorry? That's it?" He was always sorry, but that didn't make him consider my feelings. He was selfish. I started imitating his voice. "I'm sorry Kendall, I'm sorry that I'm always talking to people you don't like. I'm sorry that I am sleeping with a guy you hate. I'm sorry that I'm such a slut!"

I watched as the tears welled in his eyes after I called him a slut. I knew that he wasn't. I just wanted him to feel as miserable as I was. "Kendall...its only you. Its only ever been you...you were the first person I ever had sex with. You're the only one I've ever had sex with. I had only kissed one person before you." Logan said in a sad voice.

"Stop lying to me!" I screamed and kicked him in the face. He was lying, he had been with other people. I watched in satisfaction as blood gushed out of his nose and onto the floor. "You're not sorry, not yet. You don't even know how sorry you're going to be."

I didn't recognize my voice. I felt myself lose control over my rage and I snapped. I pulled him up by his throat and watched as he tried to struggle against my grasp. He couldn't breath, I could feel his wind pipe was closed off. I was crushing it. I wrapped my hands tighter around his neck. "Ken-Kendall...Can't...breathe."

I didn't let go. I would make him pay. He started struggling again and then I felt a pain in my shin. "GODDAMMIT!" I yelled. I jumped up and down on one leg and held my shin. I listened as Logan took in some air. I couldn't believe that he had hit me. Who the hell was he to hit me? I looked at him and could tell that venom was dripping out of my ever pore.

"Kendall, I-I didn't mean to. I-I just couldn't breathe. You were going to kill me." I watched as he tried to crawl away from me. I couldn't help but be amused that he thought that he could escape me. He would never be able to escape me. I walked up and slammed my left foot into the middle of his back. I chuckled when I heard him scream out in pain.

I realized at that moment I hadn't locked the door, so I walked over and smiled when I heard the click. I was certain that Carlos and James knew what was going on and I was going to be damned if I let them come in and ruin my plan. As if cued I heard banging on the door. "WHATS GOING ON?" I heard James yell.

"Kendall, this isn't funny. Open the door!" I heard Carlos scream.

I ignored them and started making my way over to Logan. I was going to make him sorry that he had ever laid eyes on Dak. He would wish that Dak Zevon had never spoken to him. I kicked Logan over so that he was laying on his back. I straddled him and bore all my weight down on him. I didn't want him to escape.

I was so angry that I was seeing nothing but red. I felt as if someone else was running the functions of my body. I started hitting Logan over and over. I hit anywhere I could. First his face and then his chest, arms, and sides. I wanted to make him hurt. I wanted to make him pay. I watched as he tried to protect himself with his arms.

I watched as his blood splattered everywhere. I could taste his blood on my lips and I could see both my fist covered in his blood. What am I doing? I'm hurting him so much, I thought desperately. I stood up and looked at him for a moment before I sat down and pinched the bridge of my nose.

I stood up and started pacing around the room again. "Why are you making me do this to you Logie?" I asked in a desperate voice.

He didn't answer. All I got was the sound of gurgling. I looked at him and saw blood pouring out of his mouth. "Ken-Kendall, please no more." I heard him whisper.

I laughed. I could still hear Carlos and James banging on the door. I had to make this quick. I straddled him again and punched his face again. His entire face was covered in blood. "I love you, Logie." I said.

I put my hands back up to his neck and started to choke him. I would be damned if I was going to let Dak have the guy I was in love with. I'd rather see him dead. I watched as Logan's eyes rolled back and I couldn't help but smile. I heard the door break down, and I was tackled to the floor. I saw James, and then felt his fist hit my face.

"LOGAN! Logan, please wake up!" I heard Carlos say. I felt all the rage leave me. I looked at a motionless body laying in front of me. I had done that. I had killed Logan. I watched as Carlos checked his pulse. "Hold on buddy. You're gonna be okay."

I sat down on my bed with my face in my hands. I had killed the only person I had ever really truly loved. I was going to rot in jail for the rest of my life. "Is he breathing?" James asked. Carlos nodded and I was relieved. I couldn't handle losing Logan.

The ride to the hospital was awkward. My mom wouldn't look at me, and neither would anyone else. When we got there my mom went to sit with Logan. I sat down in the waiting room and watched as Carlos, James and Katie sat as far away from me as possible. I felt the rejection rush over me, but I knew that they had good reason to ignore me. I had done this to Logan.

Occasionally, I would meet Katie's eyes. But when our eyes did meet she would shake her head and look back at the other two. Even my own family hated me, but I didn't blame them. I would hate me too. I hurt Logan. He didn't deserve it. I knew that deep down.

We all sat there for hours before my mom finally walked back out. "He's fine, he doesn't want to press charges and he wants to see you, first." She said to me. I couldn't help but be happy. This had to mean that I was going to be forgiven. This had to mean that he was going to give me another shot. "Kendall, you're going to anger management. I've already got it set up and you don't have a choice. You leave for treatment in three hours. As soon as you're done in there go home and pack for five days!"

"But-"

"You don't have a choice. Either you go or you move back to Minnesota and you will never see Logan again." She said sternly.

I nodded. I knew that I didn't have a choice. She wasn't giving me one, and in situations like that it was just best to nod and not argue. Besides, you don't tell my mom no. I made my way to Logan's room down the hall. I stood outside for several moments before I knocked lightly on the door and opened it. "Logie?" I poked my head in. "Oh, Logie. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for things to go this far."

I walked over to him in two strides and took him into my arms. I felt him lean into me and cry in my chest. "Kendall..." He sobbed. "how...how could you do this to me? You told me that you loved me." He said. I felt him pull away from me and I instantly missed the contact. I couldn't recognize Logan, he had so many bruises and his face was so distorted he was unrecognizable. I had done that.

"I do love you Logan, I just..." I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say the wrong thing so I thought about it for a few moments. "I just lose control sometimes you know that. I never mean to hurt you." I waited for him to say something, anything. But he didn't he just looked down at his sheets. "My mom is sending me to anger management. I will be in a hospital for five days and then released to work on it outside the hospital. She told me if I didn't go that she would move me back to Minnesota and I would never lay eyes on you again." 

I watched as Logan smiled wide. But after a few moments, the smile dropped. "I hope you change Kendall. I can't be with you until you do change." Logan said sternly.

I looked down. Logan couldn't leave me, he just couldn't. I couldn't live without him. He was my life and I wouldn't make it far without him. I felt the tears sting my eyes. I knew that I had this coming. "I know. I have hurt you and I am going to change. I want to be with you more than anything in this world. I can't even begin to imagine a life where I couldn't call you my boyfriend."

The truth of my words hit me. I didn't want to live in a world where Logan wasn't mine. Or worse, if he was Dak's. "You are going to have to for a little while. I can't do this right now, I want to move out of the apartment when I am released, I don't want to be near you until you can prove that you won't hurt me." He said bluntly.

I would never see him, I mine as well just move back to Minnesota. "I don't want you to move out, what do you want me to do. I swear, I will do anything!" I pleaded. I couldn't lose him, not like this. Not to someone else.

"What do I want? I want you to stop cheating on me. I want you to get your anger under control and I want you to be the Kendall I fell in love with. I want you to tell me that you love me and mean it. I don't want to have to live in fear of you anymore. I want to know that if you have a bad day you won't take it out on me." He said. I felt my heartbreak when I watched the tears that were spilling out of his eyes.

He sighed and finally started to continue. "But until you can do all those things, I think its best I move out so that I'm not around you."

I couldn't lose him. I WAS losing him, and I couldn't handle it. I put my face in my hands and finally let the tears fall from my eyes. I sat there and realized that I didn't want him to see me like this. I walked towards the door. "I'm sorry Logan. I will make this right, I promise."

I bolted before I could let him respond. I didn't want to hear his response. I was afraid that it would break me even more. When I walked out to the waiting room I went up to my mom. "We'll be back shortly." She said to James and Carlos. I noticed Dak sitting next to them and I couldn't help but be angry about that.

In the car my mother way silent. "You really are your fathers son." She said and I felt the guilt start to rise. My father had beat my mother multiple times and now I was just like him.

"I'm sorry mom. I'm going to change. I don't want to live without Logan, I can't. I love him so much, I'll do whatever I have to, to win him back." I said. I knew that I meant it.

Day five. Day five of this hell hole. I had been at Parkfax facility for five days. I hated it there, I hated everything about it. But I knew that me being there was what was best for me. I didn't see why they only wanted me to stay here for five days. I still can't see how in five days someone could magically change there ways and not be violent. I knew that I didn't have all the tools I needed to transfer out to the real world. I had a meeting with my doctor and therapist and I wanted to stay longer.

Finally at eight o'clock. Mr. Chang walked in with his clip board. "Good morning, Mr. Knight. How are you doing today?" He asked with a warm smile.

"I'm freaking out! I'm not ready to go back. Not yet, I don't have a handle on my emotions. Five days just isn't long enough. I need more time, can I please just have more time. I don't want to mess up. I don't want to ruin things completely. I need to work on things more, I promise if you let me stay that I will participate and really throw myself into it!" Kendall said desperately.

He knew that if he was serious about getting Logan back, that he needed to be serious about all of this. Mr. Chang nodded. He called his mom to let her know what he had decided on.

"Well, I do miss you...but I am glad that you are really willing to change. I love you, I'll come see you in a few days dear." She said in a motherly way.

I walked to my appointment with Ms. Morrison. She was my therapist, and while I did like her I never really opened up to her but that was going to change that today. Yes, yes, yes. I was going open up completely and pour my heart out to her. When I walked into her office she was already sitting there with a clip board and a pen.

"Kendall, have a seat and we'll get started." She said with a smile. I listened to her and sat down on the couch that she had in her office. "So, you asked to stay longer?" She asked in a curious voice.

I nodded. "I don't think that I was giving my all to this program. But that is going to change. I am going to really try and open up so that I can really try and fix whatever is wrong with me." I said.

"Well let's go back, I will treat this like it is your very first day with me. Why are you here?" She asked.

My mind instantly wondered to Logan. I was here because I couldn't control my emotions with him. I had two speeds in my brain, normal and pissed off. I sighed before I finally started speaking. "I beat my boyfriend. I tried to kill him because I thought that he was cheating on me. I don't know how to process my emotions. I'm either happy and normal or I'm pissed off." I said realizing that it was the truth.

"Why did you think that Logan was cheating on you?" She asked in a sweet voice.

"Because, I was such a horrible boyfriend that he must have been. I didn't deserve to have him. There is no way that he wasn't. And also, the day that I tried to kill him I got a picture message from someone. It was a picture of Logan holding hands with another guy and I completely snapped." I said admittingly.

But when I thought about it, I realized that Jo had done it just to get a rise out of me and make me angry. I knew that she hadn't been happy about our break up and that she was just trying to get back at me for it. I felt like an idiot for believing what she instilled in my brain, rather than believing Logan.

Our counseling session wrapped up and hour later and I was stuck roaming the halls and trying to occupy my time in between the times of groups.

"Well Mr. Knight, you've been here for eleven days now. I think it'd be okay if you stayed another week, but then you're going to have to get back into the real world. A lot of people try and stay here as a way of not having to face what's out there." Mr. Chang said.

I knew that he was right. I was trying to avoid Logan. Every night, I had night terrors, I was reliving what I had done to Logan. I saw the broken look in his eyes every night and it ate me alive. I was the reason Logan was broken. I pushed and pushed, only to snap and almost murder him. I was the worst boyfriend in the history of the world.

"Okay, I'll go call my mom then." I knew that my mom was looking forward to me coming back home, but I needed to stay here longer. I felt that I had learned a lot of different things that I could hopefully use in the outside world once I was there. I just hoped that I had changed enough to where Logan would take me back right away.

I couldn't bare to let another day go by without Logan by my side. I had to change for him, I felt that I was changing but I couldn't be sure. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to show Logan if I had changed or not. But I had every intention of trying my best. I knew that Logan would be getting out that day and I desperately wanted to see him.

When I got to the phone I dialed the familiar number and waited for my mom to answer. "Hello?" I heard Carlos say.

"Mom, please." I said simply. Exchanges with Carlos and James had been short and sweet and had also been compacted down to as little words as possible. I knew that they wanted nothing to do with me and I couldn't say I blamed them.

"Hello?" I heard her say softly.

"Mom, I'm staying for another week. I'll be home a week from today. Is Logan getting out today?" I asked hopefully. Just the thought of the brunette had enough power to make me weak in the knees.

I waited desperately for her reply. "Yes. Yes he is. He is going to be staying with Dak until he feels safe enough to come home." She said nervously.

"WHAT?" I yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me? He can't stay with Dak. Mom what if he leaves me, for that mother fucker. I'll kill him!" I yelled into the phone.

"Kendall, focus on your program and don't think about him." She said before she hung up.

She didn't understand how hard that would really be. She didn't know how I felt about Logan, she had no clue how much I loved him. I couldn't help but explode when I found all that out about Logan. At Parkfax, they encouraged us to ask for help if we needed it. I walked up to the nurses station where all of them sat.

"I need help. I'm going to explode, and I don't want to." I said softly.

I felt Nehemiah come up and grab my arm and lead me towards the silent room. "Kendall, you've come too far to just explode. Now, concentrate on your breathing. Take ten deep breaths and then think about whether its really worth it.

I took ten, long and deep breaths and after that I decided that I still wanted to explode. "He's moving in with the guy I hate most. The one I always thought he was cheating on me with." I said softly. "Seeing a picture of them is what lead me to doing what I did."

I was surprised when I saw Nehemiah lose his cool a little. "Man up, Kendall. You did what you did on your own accord. You can't blame the picture, or Logan, you need to realize it was YOU." I thought about what he said. He was right. Something was wrong in my brain and it needed to be fixed. I was going to make sure it was fixed.

"What if he starts dating him?" I asked softly. The thought of Logan being with Dak, made me want to die. I couldn't even begin to imagine how devastated I truly would be if it really happened.

"Then he dates him. You need to realize that this time, is for Logan to recover for what you did. If that means dating another guy, that's what it means. You just have to deal with it when it comes. But if Logan loves you like you've said, then I don't think you have anything to worry about." Nehemiah said with a smile.

I nodded knowing that he was right. I never trusted Logan, but that had to change. I had to trust him, for once. I had to believe that he would never date Dak. He would wait to see if I had changed. He would have to. He has too.

Two days later, I sat in the chair across from Ms. Morrison, talking about Dak and Logan. "What do you think you would do if you get out and find out that Logan is dating Dak?" She asked.

I hesitated, I would want to kill him. Choke the life out of him and watch as the life left him. No, wait. I couldn't do that. "I would be upset, hurt and even angry. Is that bad?" I asked.

I watched as she smiled at me. "No, it's not. Anger is a normal human emotion, it's just how you deal with you anger that matters. And how do you think you would handle all of that?"

I thought for a moment. "I don't know." I admitted. "I love Logan so much, that I don't know what I would do if I saw him with another guy. I couldn't handle it. I would go off the rails, I think."

Her smile widened. "I don't think you would. I've had you here for almost two weeks. And in that two weeks I have seen a significant change in you. Two weeks ago, I would have really believed you would do something crazy with either of them if you saw that. But now, I'm not to sure. You know how to process the emotion of anger now."

I didn't think she knew what she was talking about. I hadn't really been angry around her at all. "And what makes you so sure I know how to process anger now?" I asked impatiently.

She chuckled before she answered. "Well, I see anger in your eyes every time I bring up Dak. And I see even more anger when I mention Logan and Dak together. You haven't exploded, you haven't hit me. Isn't that improvement?" She asked with a grin.

I couldn't help but laugh. This was the first real laugh I seemed to have let out in a very long time. It felt amazing, even magical. "Yes, I guess that is improvement. I've only got five days left, and I asked for more time because I'm afraid to face Logan and the rest of them." I said sadly. "How am I suppose to face them all after the horrible things I did?"

My mind was a mess because I thought of that constantly. I didn't know what I was going to do when I finally did see Logan again. I didn't know if I would still get glares from Carlos and James. Or if my mother and sister would shake their heads at me in disappointment.

"Because one day it will get better, not right away. But it will eventually." She said with a smile.

Five days later, I was packing my bags to get discharged. I heard a knock on my door and turned around to see Ms. Morrison. "Now, remember what I said. One day at a time, and things will eventually get better. How are you?"

"I'm freaking out. But I'll make it. And..." I said while fumbling through my wallet. "I have your number just in case."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me and wished me luck. When I was done I walked out to the nurses station and waited for them to get my discharge papers together. I couldn't help but be completely nervous. My mom was going to be picking me up and I didn't know what to expect. I told her that I didn't want her or Katie to come see me.

I knew that it had hurt her feelings, but I didn't want them to see me like this. I was the man of the house, but I had cracked. I couldn't let them see me. They wouldn't have respected me as much, hell I was sure that they had little to no respect for me for what I had done to Logan.

"Mr. Knight, we need you to sign a few things, and then you are free to go." One of the nurses said. I signed my name a few times and walked out and waited outside enjoying the nice LA sun, waiting for my mom to pull up.

When I saw the familiar van pull up I threw my stuff in it, and hopped in the back seat. She looked at me and asked why I didn't sit up front. I just shrugged and looked out the window. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet. I knew that she could never understand anything I did, so I didn't want to burden her with it.

"Well, Gustavo wants you at the studio tomorrow at six a.m." She said softly. I didn't respond. "Are you ready to go back to work?" I said nothing. She gave up after that and continued driving.

When we reached the Palm Woods I got out and went straight up to the the apartment and made a b line for my room. I saw James and Carlos were playing video games. But when I walked in I noticed that they paused their game and their eyes were following me up the stairs. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. I knew that they were wondering what the hell was going on with me, but I wasn't ready to tell them yet.

When I reached mine and Logan's room, I slammed the door. But I stopped when I got in there. All of Logan's belongings were missing. All the books, clothes, everything. I fell to the ground and let the sobbing take me over.

I had fucked up, bad. I had lost Logan. He left me, he was with Dak now and he would never come back to me. I looked over at my night stand and saw the picture of us that was sitting there. I couldn't help but go grab it and hug it to my chest when I laid down in bed. I wanted Logan, he was the only one who could make all this better. But I couldn't have him, and the next day I would have to work with him in the studio.

The next morning, James, Carlos and I were downstairs waiting for Kelly. "Logan must have gotten a ride with Dak." Carlos said absentmindedly. I watched when James smacked him and pointed to me.

"You guys don't have to walk on egg shells around me, my anger is almost under control. I'm not just going to haul off and snap." I said getting agitated. I didn't do much of anything the night before except cry and look at the picture of Logan and I. It was all I wanted to do. I ignored my mom's knocks all night and acted as if I was asleep. Then this morning I rolled out of bed when James and Carlos said they were going down to the lobby.

"Okay, then we won't." James said with a slight smile.

When we got to the studio I started making my way in. When I did though, I could feel Logan's eyes on me. I wanted so bad to look up at him, but I knew that he wouldn't like that. So I didn't.

"Dogs, get in the booth!" I heard Gustavo say as he walked out of his office. We started working on a new song, and I couldn't help but glance at Logan. I wanted so bad just to touch him, hug him and even kiss him. But I knew that I couldn't do that. I wasn't allowed to anymore. Logan was standing next to James and I was next to Carlos.

After a couple hours we earned or first break. We were all in the breakroom but when I saw Logan stand up and leave I knew that this was going to be my only opportunity. "Guys, please you can listen, but I need to talk to Logan...alone!"

I watched the uneasiness in their eyes form but they both nodded. I walked out to meet him and when I got out there he looked at me and I could see fear in his eyes and that made me want to die.

I didn't know what to say, so I started with the obvious. "Can we talk for a few minutes?" I asked softly. When Logan didn't say anything and nodded, I continued. "Listen, I learned a lot while I was in treatment. I'm not saying I have changed because I haven't changed as much as I need to. I didn't talk to anyone last night because I had a lot to think over and I decided that I'm going to give you your space."

It pained me to get all the words out, because the very last thing I wanted to do was leave Logan alone. I needed him in my life, but did he need me anymore?

I saw the surprise in his eyes after I finished speaking though. "What made you decide that?" He asked, not even bothering to mask his surprise.

I sighed. "I learned that it's not up to me to decided when we get back together. All I can do is show you that I have changed and hope that you will take me back. I will give you as much space as you want and when you are ready to see I've changed I will show you that I have. I will you that I will treat you right." I meant it, I wanted to show him how much he meant to me, and I sorry I was that I hurt him.

"I don't know how long that will be Kendall." He finally said. "You hurt me so much, I need to forgive what you did before I can even think about being in a relationship with you again." I could see the pain in his face. He didn't like saying that, there must have still been hope. Still a chance that I could have my beloved Logan back!

"I know. Just know that I am sorry and even if you don't take me back, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you." I couldn't handle the thought of losing him forever. I knew it was all my fault and that alone made it ten times worse. I didn't want to lose him, he was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.

He must have sensed my pain though because he said, "I want to be with you Kendall, I just don't want to be hurt anymore. I won't be with you if you are going to hurt me." Logan had some strength behind his voice and I knew that he meant it.

"I know, Logie." I said softly. I was glad that he still wanted to be with me. I just couldn't afford to fuck it up! Failure, wasn't an option. "I just have to work on a few things too. I need to learn how to control my emotions and until I do, I won't even reach out to you. When I feel that I have them under control, through I will let you know. Does that sound okay to you?" I asked.

I heard him sigh. "Yes. But until you show me you have changed I'm staying with Dak." He said in a stern voice and I knew that there was no point in trying to change his mind.

"I know that I have no right to ask this of you, but please don't date him. Not until I get another chance." I pleaded. I couldn't lose him to Dak. I just couldn't. "He likes you, I have known that all along."

I wanted him to promise me that he wouldn't. "You were correct. You don't have the right to ask me that."

I nodded and I knew that the tears would soon come. So I walked away from him, and ran straight to the bathroom. I couldn't help but think about what if he dated Dak, what if he was already dating him? I pounded my fist into the stall door. "NO!" I yelled. I couldn't even begin to process the thought that Logan had moved on.

I heard the door open. "Kendall?" I heard James say softly.

"Come on bud, talk to us." Carlos said softly.

I looked at them with disbelief. "You guys have ignored me completely since all this happened, do me a favor and go back to that!" I snarled at them. I didn't want to be near them. They had turned their backs on me.

"Listen, we only saw how much you were hurting Logan. And now you're hurting too and we want to help you." James said softly.

"Tell us what's wrong." Carlos said with an encouraging smile.

I couldn't help but want to tell them what exactly was going on, I knew that if anyone could help me feel better and less angry, it was Carlos. He had a way of making even the most depressed person happy.

I sighed before I finally decided I could trust them. "I think Logan might be interested in Dak. And that kills me. What if I don't get another chance to redeem myself? What if Dak swoops in and takes that opportunity away from me?" I said with clenched fist. I wanted to lash out. I want to punch something just to feel my power behind the punch.

I was surprised when I heard James and Carlos start laughing. "Seriously? That's all your worried about. Logan is still hung up on you!" Carlos said wiping a tear from his eye.

James couldn't stop laughing. "We went and seen him yesterday and he was asking about you. Trust me when I say, he still wants you. But you need to change first. And you need to give Logan his space like you said you would." He said with a grin.

I nodded knowing that they were right. If I wanted to have Logan back I would need to give him what he wanted. And what he wanted was space. I would give him all the space he wanted.

It had been two days since I had talked to Logan and I was going crazy. We didn't speak to each other, we went through rehearsals like we had never laid eyes on each other before in our whole lives and it was killing me. I wanted to hold him, love him and most of all kiss him.

James, Carlos and I were walking into the apartment and we all collapsed on the couch. It had been a rough day and we were all tired. "Man, I hate Gustavo right now." I said softly.

James and Carlos laughed. "Yeah, he's like Hitler...only worse." Carlos said with fear. I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's okay, tomorrow if he's yelling at us, trust me. I won't back down and I will give him a piece of my mind. I don't think he knows what to do with me being so damn obedient." I said with a chuckle. It was very odd for me not to talk back to Gustavo, it almost never happened. I would always chime in and put in my two cents when he said something I didn't like.

"Yes! Our fearless leader..." James said.

"IS BACK!" Carlos and James finished together. I couldn't help but reminded of the Jennifers and how they are always finishing each other's sentences.

I laughed at them and shook my head, "Well, you wanna know what your fearless leader wants to do right now?" I asked. They gave me a look that said to continue. "Play some dome hockey!"

They jumped up. "We're in!" They said in a serious tone. "How about me and Carlos vs you!" James said with a smile.

I nodded and the game started. It was weird, it was almost like things were back to normal. But only one thing was missing, Logan. I quickly pushed the thought out of my head, I wanted to enjoy myself for the first time in a long time so I continued to play dome hockey with them.

I decided to go to bed early that night, but it seemed that every single time I closed my eyes all I could see was Logan's broken face. His face after I had almost killed him. I saw the bruises, the cuts and I saw his completely broken eyes.

I opened them once I saw his face and I felt the tears start pouring out of my eyes. I had hurt him, and I didn't care. Sure, I care now, but at the time I didn't see anything wrong with it. If I had killed him, what would I have done...

"I'm so sorry." I whispered to no one.

I couldn't help but be down that Logan was still avoiding me. I wanted to talk to him so bad, but then I would remember that I had promised to give him space and then I would just go back to be miserable. I knew that it had pained my mom and everyone else to see me like this, but I couldn't help it. I wanted Logan.

I watched as James and Carlos approached me. "Come on! Let's go!" Carlos said while grabbing my arms.

"What are you doing to me?" I said.

"We're kidnapping you to take you to see a Jason Statham movie." James said with a smug look on his face. "You've been moping around for too long and we refuse to sit back any longer."

When we got to the lobby I stopped trying to resist and just followed them to the car. I knew that they were just trying to help and I would be a complete dick if I didn't go. We joked the entire way to the theatre. When we got there we all got some popcorn and treats to enjoy during the movie.

We waited outside the theatre since they were cleaning it. "Well, you know if I can't get Logie back, I might just have to stalk Jason Statham til he turns gay and dates me." I said jokingly and I was happy when they joined in on my laughter.

When I looked up though I saw something that made me see red. I saw Logan and Dak walking over to us. I wanted to run over there and punch Dak until he was lifeless for being with Logan, I didn't like seeing them together. It just made Logan being gone all that more real.

"Hey, do you mind if we go say hi to Logan?" Carlos asked in an excited voice. I shook my head and they both ran over there. I watched as they talked to Logan and Dak, but I could have sworn that I kept seeing Dak look over at me and make eye contact with me. I couldn't help but glare at him. He was with the guy I loved more than anything in this world and I wanted to rip his throat out.

They all four made their way back over to me. "Hey, mind if we all sit together?" James asked me.

"Of course not, I'll sit on the end so Logie doesn't have to be by me." I said softly. I noticed how Logan looked up at me when I said his pet name and I just wanted to grab him and kiss him. Not being able to hold him was torturous. We all sat down and started watching the movie.

I kept glancing over to make sure that Logan and Dak weren't doing anything. But then I felt something hit my forehead. I looked down and saw a piece of popcorn sitting on my knee. "Stop staring, you look like a creeper!" James whispered. I couldn't help but laugh. I grabbed a popcorn and threw it at him and smiled when it got stuck in his hair. He yelped and swatted it away.

We got into a mini popcorn war and only stopped when we saw a worker coming in to do a theatre check. I couldn't help but laugh at it. I thought back and was no longer angry. Usually something as simple as a popcorn fight wouldn't have gotten rid of it, but this time it had.

We continued watching the movie and I couldn't help but be anxious to hear Carlos' first smart ass comment and I wasn't disappointed when he finally said. "Man, even I would go gay for Jason Statham!" I heard him say loudly.

I couldn't hold it together, I started laughing and covered my mouth try and muffle it a little bit. I couldn't help but laugh at him, and then I realized that this was the most fun I had in a long time, and I couldn't help but be convinced that it was because Logan was with us.

The movie was wrapping up and of course when the movie was over Carlos yelled. "That wasn't surprising. You can't kill Jason, he's a bad ass!" I couldn't help but cheer with the others and laugh.

When we got outside I watched as Logan hugged Carlos and James. "Well, if you guys are down, I'll be over tomorrow around noon to play some dome hockey?" I couldn't help but notice that he was looking at me the entire time he was asking this. They all nodded.

When we started walking away I muttered, "See you then, Logie." Hoping no one else heard it, but when I looked back and saw the smile on Logan's face, I knew that he had heard it.

When I got back in the car, I was on cloud nine. I couldn't help but be happy. "That went well." I said to them

They nodded. "It did, I'm so glad that he is going to come over tomorrow to hang out with us, I really miss the four of us hanging out." Carlos said sadly.

I couldn't help but feel guilty because I knew that it was all my fault. "I'm sorry Carlitos. It's all my fault, but things will go back to normal, I swear." I said.

He nodded and that was it. I felt my phone buzz. I opened it and was happy to see that it was from Logan. _Are you sure you don't mind if I hang out with you guys tomorrow? _ I smiled and instantly started my reply. _I don't mind. I miss seeing you. Things aren't the same with the gang unless you're there. This is the first time they had as much fun as they use to._

I noticed that James was looking back at me. "That smile only means one things. You're texting Logan." He said with a grin.

"Yes." I said simply and I felt my smile only grow wider. I felt my phone buzz again. _I don't think that was because of me, I'd give credit to Carlos for all his hilarious comments._ I smiled at what he said and knew that he was just being oblivious to the obvious. We had so much fun because we were all four together again. _Yeah, did you see the looks from the people in front of us, when he made the gay joke? But I will see you tomorrow at noon. Have a goodnight Logie Bear._

I couldn't help but be anxious to see what he would say back to me. _You too Boo Boo. _ I smiled knowing that he had caught my reference.

The next day at eleven thirty I was pacing back and forth. I hadn't slept the night before because I was nervous about seeing Logan. I didn't know what to expect or even how things would go. I kept glancing at the clock to see how much time was left. _Twenty three minutes until he gets here._

I was surprised when I heard a knock on the door at quarter til. I hadn't expected him to be this early to come hang out with us. I nervously walked over and when I looked through the peephole I saw him standing there looking just as nervous as me. I opened the door with a fake smile on my face.

"Hey Logie." I said. I motioned for him to come in and I watched as he walked over and sat down on the couch. "James and Carlos will be down in a second. James hogged the bathroom all morning and Carlos just got out of the shower and James said something about having to comb his hair for another five minutes for it to be perfect?" I said in a confused voice.

I smiled when I heard his laughter fill the air. "So did you enjoy the movie last night?" He asked. I knew that he just didn't want things to be awkward between us and I couldn't say I blamed him.

"Yeah, it was good. And hearing Carlos make his comments all through it just made it that much better!" I said laughing. I still couldn't believe some of the things he said in public.

I watched his eyes light up when he smiled, and I had to admit I missed seeing that. "I'm surprised we didn't get asked to leave. We were loud the entire time." He said.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah and then I'm sure mine and James' popcorn fight didn't help things much."

I knew that James and I had made a complete mess. I kept intentionally smashing handfuls of popcorn in his perfectly neat and clean hair just to see him yelp and freak out. I still couldn't help but be nervous that Logan and I were sitting so close together and I couldn't look at him because I was afraid if I did I would kiss him and ruin everything.

"How are you with everything?" I finally heard him ask. I couldn't help but get even more nervous.

"I think that I have changed, I realize now that what I did to you wasn't right. I was so scared that you would hurt me. I felt like I wasn't good enough for you and that you were cheating on me. Even though I know you would never do that. I think that's why I did what I did. But I still know that isn't an excuse." I said trying to rush it.

He looked down. "It's not. You didn't have to right to decided if you were good enough for me. That has and always will be my decision. And if you can change and show me that you have changed then you are good enough for me." He said.

I couldn't help but smile at him. But I was hesitant to say the next part. "I want you in my life in the meantime. Even if its just as my friend for now."

I watched as he smiled. I couldn't help but feel butterflies in my stomach at seeing that. "I think we can do that. I was thinking about moving back here soon. BUT, I want to room with James or Carlos. I don't think we should room together."

I couldn't help but be disappointed about that, but I understood why. "Okay. I understand completely."

By then Carlos and James were downstairs and we started playing dome hockey, after having two rubber band matches. James and I won three games to two. We went to the pool next and we all jumped in and were a little rowdy.

I dunked James and Carlos and almost dunked Logan, but after everything I didn't think that would be the best idea in the world. So I stayed away. We hung out in the lounge chairs and let the sun dry us and when we were dried off we all walked back up stairs where my mom was already pulling out dinosaur shaped chicken fingers.

Logan and I watched as James and Carlos made them fight each other. "Oh no! It's the James-asaurus rex!" James screamed and then devoured the rest of his chicken.

I couldn't help but crack up at them. "You guys are too much!" I looked at Logan. "Isn't that right, Logie."

I watched as he nodded agreeing with me. I couldn't help but smile at him and was happy to see him smile back at me. I knew that it may of taken a while, but things would get back to where they needed to be.

**A/N: Well this is titled Fury of the Storm and the next part will be Calming of the Storm. A one shot would have been FAR too long, so now it will be a two shot. I will have part two posted soon!**


	2. Calming of the Storm

**Calming of the Storm**

**Part 2**

I sat in my room alone. I still wasn't rooming with anyone and so I had been enjoying time alone. I was constantly thinking about Logan. It had been a week since we had all hung out and I was losing his mind. Logan was coming over more and more but it was still torturing me because we weren't together.

I heard a knock on the door and saw Carlos walk in the room. He sat down on Logan's old bed and I couldn't help but miss Logan more, because he wasn't sleeping next to me anymore.

"You've been really quiet the last few days and we are all really worried about you." Carlos said simply.

I looked at him for a few moments before I spoke. "I want Logan back. I miss him so much, even if I just had him for a few moments...I just...I need him Carlitos. I don't know what to do without him." I said miserably.

Carlos just nodded in a sympathetic manner. "I know but you have to go at Logan's pace." Carlos said.

I felt the anger start to rise in my chest. I was tired of everyone saying that to me. No one cared about what I wanted or if I was happy. I knew that I fucked up but someone could at least care what I thought. I closed my eyes and counted back from ten to try and calm myself.

"I know that, but shouldn't someone care about me. Logan isn't the only one hurting you know." I said a little meaner then I had meant to. I watched as Carlos jumped back a little bit.

"I didn't know that this was hurting you so much." Carlos said looking at me with sad eyes.

I couldn't' help but feel bad that I had snapped at him. I looked down before I started talking again. "Why wouldn't I be hurting? I hurt the only person I've ever loved and I may never get him back. This is hard on me too." I said.

He nodded. "Well, Logan still loves you. We can all see that, I promise that things will get better."

I couldn't help but hope that he would be right. I needed him to be, because I needed Logan.

–

_I walked out of the apartment and went to the elevator. I pushed the button to go down to the lobby. When I got in there I saw Dak and Logan in a heavy make out session. Logan pulled away from Dak and smiled at me. "Oh, hey Kendall. You remember Dak, right? Well he's my new boyfriend, and he's ten times better than you." _

_I felt the pain in my heart and watched as Logan went back in to kiss Dak again. I watched as they fought for dominance and watched as Dak finally won. For some unknown reason the elevator went back up and I followed them into Dak's apartment. _

_They were on the couch and Logan was pulling off Dak's shirt in a desperate manner. He kissed every inch of Dak's chest and only stopped when Dak went to pull off his shirt. Dak laid on top of Logan and continued to kiss him. _

_I watched as Dak started to undo Logan's pants and watched as Logan's cock broke free from it's barrier. He watched Dak with lust in his eyes and Dak finally lowered his mouth onto Logan's hardening cock. _

"_Ngh, more." Dak bobbed his head up and down, making Logan scream his name. "Dak! God! You're so much better than what's-his-name." _

I awoke with a start and felt the tears pouring down my face. The dream was fresh in my head and I couldn't get it out. The sight of Dak giving Logan a blow job was torturing me. What if that was what they were doing right at that moment? What if Logan realized that Dak was better than me?

I grabbed my head and screamed in frustration. I punched the bed in anger and sat up. I still couldn't get the image out of my head so I slammed my head into the headboard. "NO!" I screamed.

I heard my door opening and saw James poke his head in. "Are you okay?" He asked.

I wiped the tears that had fallen out of my eyes. "I'm fine." I said, trying to blow him off.

He didn't go away though, like I had hoped he would. He came in and sat down on my bed. "Kendall, what's wrong?" He asked in a concerned voice.

"I had a dream about Dak and Logan...what if they are hooking up?" I asked in a tortured voice. I watched as James' eyes softened.

"Kendall, don't worry about that. It's gonna be what its gonna be. But for the record, I don't think anything is going on between them." James said.

I felt better instantly when he said that. I knew that if anyone would know if they were hooking up it would be James and Carlos. "Okay." I said and laid back down signaling that I wanted to go back to bed.

James took the hint and walked out of the room.

–

A few days later we were all watching the Boondock Saints. I had picked it knowing that it was one of Logan's favorite movies. He loved it, even though he had seen it a hundred times.

"It still amazes me that he was trying to kill his sons, then he hears this prayer and he's done?" Carlos said in an amazed tone.

I heard Logan shush him. I couldn't help but smile at that. I saw that he was on the edge of his seat. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, he was so into the movie it was ridiculous.

When the movie finally wrapped up James and Carlos went up to their room to get ready to go to bed. I looked at Logan and could tell that he was comfortable being with me alone and that made me happy.

"So, did you have fun tonight, Logie?" I asked in a sweet voice. I wanted him to know that I still cared about him a lot.

I couldn't help but melt when he smiled at me. "I did, I love having the gang back together its so nice having everyone together." He said with a huge grin on his face. "Well, I should get back to Dak's. I'm sure he will be up waiting to find out how things went."

I couldn't help but frown and think of the dream I had a few nights before with the mentioning of Dak's name. "Are you two together?" I asked nervously, terrified that the answer was going to be yes.

I watched as he smiled, and prepared myself for a yes. He would only smile like that if they were together. "No, we aren't. We're just friends." Logan said.

I felt relief run through my body, but I realized they didn't have to be dating for them to be fooling around together. "So you two haven't kissed or anything like that?"

I didn't know if I could take it if the answer was yes. I didn't know if I wanted to know the truth. If he said Dak kissed him, I didn't know if I would be able to control my anger.

"Well..." He said softly.

But I didn't feel angry. I felt sad, and betrayed above all else. "No! No, no, no!" I said grabbing my face.

I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to shake him and ask him why he would do something like that but then the other part of me wanted to hear his explanation. "Kendall, look at me." He said. I looked up and waited for him to continue. "It didn't mean anything. It was after that time I had seen you in the studio after everything had happened. He was comforting me as I was crying and I just kissed him. It felt right at the time."

I couldn't help but be completely shocked at what I had just heard. "YOU kissed HIM?" I asked. I couldn't look at him anymore. I felt the anger rising in me. How could he kiss Dak? I wanted to lash out, call him a slut and make him beg for forgiveness. But I didn't. I started pacing, trying to clear my head.

"Yes, but I realized right after that it was a mistake. I don't feel that way for him. I never have and I never could. I could never love someone like I love you, Kendall." He said desperately.

I froze. He still loved me. He would never love someone like he loves me. Not loved, but loves. I felt happiness start to push the anger aside. "Has anything happened since then?" I asked. I needed to know.

"No, nothing. Like I said I don't feel that way for him. Besides my heart still belongs to someone."

I couldn't help but smile at him. I knew that he was telling the truth. "Mine too."

I watched him smile again and I walked him to the door. I opened it for him and held it open, but I was completely shocked when I felt his arms wrap around me in a tight hug. I couldn't help but grab him and squeeze. I had wanted contact with him for so long, and now I was finally getting it.

I wanted more though, and when he pulled away I instantly missed the contact. He started walking away, but I didn't want him to. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back and pulled him into a kiss. But I felt him pull away almost instantly. "Kendall, its too soon!" He said and then he turned and ran away.

I watched where he had been standing for several minutes and then felt like an idiot for trying to rush things. I should have known that he wasn't ready yet. I couldn't believe I had been so idiotic.

But at the same time, I was glad I had done it. I needed it. I needed the reminder that Logan was still in love with me. That he still wanted me the same way I wanted him. For the first time in a long time, I didn't have night terrors that night, and I didn't dream of Dak and Logan together.

–

The next morning, everyone at the Palm Woods was giving me weird looks when I walked down to the lobby. "So, you and Logan, huh?" I heard blonde Jennifer say with a smile.

"What are you talking about?" I asked immediately. I had been expecting this, but didn't think that word would have spread that quick.

"Please! It's all around the Palm Woods that you two were dating." Curly Jennifer said.

I didn't want to deal with this so I ran into the limo and saw that Logan looked completely uneasy. We were rehearsing for over two hours before we finally got a break. I sat down with the coffee I had just got and looked at Logan who was still looking uneasy.

"I'm sorry about last night." I said softly to him. "I just couldn't help it, I just needed to feel that for a second."

I wanted him to know how much I truly did miss him. I wanted him to know that I still loved him. I needed him to understand all of these things.

"It's okay, just please don't do it again. When I'm ready trust me when I say you will know." He said with a smile.

I ignored the looks we were getting from Carlos and James. "Did something happen when we went to bed last night?"

I watched as Logan completely ignored the question and just continued talking. "So, I was thinking and I'm thinking that I'm ready to move back in with you guys. I feel like Kendall and I are at a place where I would feel safe staying in the apartment again."

I couldn't help but get a huge grin on my face. I was ecstatic that Logan wanted to move back in. That was all I had been wanting for a while. "Great!" Carlos said with a huge smile. "We already talked about this and you will be rooming with James and I am stuck with that big ball of love over there." Carlos said.

I couldn't help but throw a piece of loose paper at Carlos for his comment. "Well, how about if I come back tomorrow? This way Carlos can move his stuff into his new room tonight?" Logan suggested/asked. I nodded quickly and threw my cup away, for once feelings hopeful that Logan and I would soon be back together.

But I knew that there was something I needed to tell him. So when we were walking out of the limo, after rehearsals I grabbed his arm so that he would stay behind. "Can I talk to you real quick?" I asked. I watched as he nodded. "I want to tell you something before you move back in."

I watched as he got worried and hurt all at the same time. I didn't know how to tell him what I needed to, so I just decided to be bluntly honest. "I was so mad last night that I wanted to lash out and yell at you for kissing Dak." I said in one breath.

I watched as his face turned from worry to surprise. "Kendall, why are you telling me this?" He asked skeptically.

I sighed. "I just want you to know what was going on in my head. The thoughts are still there, me wanting to yell or hit you, they are still there. I think they will be for awhile. But after last night I really feel like I can control them and I can control myself."

I watched as Logan smiled at me. He was quite for a few seconds before he finally continued to speak. "I'm glad that you can control yourself. And I think it may be a good thing that you told me. Maybe its good that you do, it lets me really see that you are changing."

I was glad that he was being so understanding and not turning around and running away from me forever. "I was really nervous to tell you. I didn't know if it was a good idea or not." I said. I couldn't help but smile at him again. And I was happy when I saw him get a goofy grin on his face too. And before I could stop myself, I was throwing my arms around him. "I'll text you in a little, Logie. Okay?"

He nodded and I watched as he walked to the elevator. I was glad that he was being so understanding about everything. I didn't know what I would do if he wasn't understanding.

I was in my room writing a the song I had been working on, when I heard James say "Logan?" At hearing my loves name I instantly but down my pen and walked downstairs. When I got there though, what I saw nearly broke my heart. Logan was crying. He had his face in his hands and was balling his eyes out.

I ran next to him and started hugging him and rubbing small circles in the middle of his back. I didn't want him to cry. I felt him wrap his arms around my neck and he cried into my chest. "Logie, what's wrong?" I asked in a smooth voice.

I watched as he pulled away from me a little bit so he could take in a deep breath. "Dak...he got mad at me when I told him that I was going to be moving back in. He told me that I must like being hurt and that something was wrong with me." It had taken what seemed like hours for Logan to finally tell me what was wrong and he was still sobbing the entire time he did.

I couldn't control my anger this time. I let go of Logan and I saw nothing but red. "How dare he! I'm gonna go have a talk with him." I said. I walked out of the apartment as fast as I possibly could. I ran up the stairs, the adrenaline giving me speed I didn't even know I had in me.

I ran up to Dak's door and started banging on it, I couldn't help but wish that it was Dak's face. "Dude, what's your problem?" I yelled. "You should be happy that Logan gets a second chance with the person he loves, not making him feel like shit about it."

Dak's face contorted with anger. "I would be happy if that person hadn't almost killed him." He snarled in my face. My anger only grew more, when he brought that out and rubbed it in my face.

I watched as Logan wedged himself in between us. "STOP!" He yelled. "Stop, seriously. Both of you. Kendall, I already handled this. I didn't need you to. And Dak its my business if I want to take Kendall back, I can. I didn't want it to effect our friendship but evidently its going to."

I needed to calm myself down. I couldn't let Logan down, not when I had come this far. I stepped back and gently put my head against the wall and started taking deep breaths and counted down from ten.

"All I've ever tried to do is help you Logan. I just don't want to see you hurt again." Dak said in a pathetic voice. I couldn't help but be angered by the sound of his annoying voice.

"If I thought that Kendall was going to hurt me again I wouldn't even consider going back to him." Logan said in a cool voice. "I love Kendall. I need you to trust my judgement and respect it."

I couldn't open my eyes. I was afraid, if I did that I would knock Dak out. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you and said what I did."

"I know that you didn't mean it. I just think I was shocked that you would try and hurt me like that. But I do forgive you. I want us to stay friends, but in order for that to happen you need to accept the fact that I want to be with Kendall more than anything in this world."

I was glad that Logan was taking up for me, for us. It made me happy, and it let me know that in a matter of weeks, maybe even days, he would be mine again.

"I'm sorry Kendall. I shouldn't have brought up what happened." Dak said. I opened my eyes and looked at him after that one. I knew that he didn't mean it, he was just trying to suck up to Logan.

I wouldn't forgive him for trying to steal Logan from me. "I made a mistake Dak, and its one I will never make again. I don't want to take Logan's friends away from him but if you disrespect our relationship when or even if we get back together, I will not be okay with him being friends with you."

I could see that he had some smart ass comment to make to what I had just said, but instead he closed the door. I saw that Logan was looking at me. And I knew he wanted to say something. "Kendall, what about Jo?" He asked.

I knew that Jo would be a problem even now. It didn't matter that I was done with her, I didn't want anything to do with her. Logan was the only thing that mattered to me.

Then I remembered the encounter I had with her just a week earlier. "I thought about that while I was at the hospital. I was forced to confront a lot of things Logie, and I made the decision that I wouldn't talk to her anymore or even associate with her for that matter. Dak never tried to break us up, but she did. That is what that picture message was."

Logan seemed happy by these words, but then I saw doubt flicker through his eyes. "Does she know this?" He asked skeptically.

I nodded at him. "I talked to her last week when she approached me. She asked me if I was okay and told me that you didn't deserve me." I still couldn't help but be mad at what she had said.

"WHAT?" Logan yelled at the top of his lungs, and I couldn't help but be surprised to see him that angry. I smiled though, because I knew that he was just being jealous.

"I told her that it was the other way around, I didn't deserve you but that wasn't going to stop me from trying to get you back."

"What did she say?" He asked with a nervous tone.

"She didn't say anything, instead she sent a mass text to everyone at the Palm Woods telling them about us." I couldn't help but be angry that she had forced Logan and I out. "She also proceeded to tell them that I hit you and I hit her when I was with her, which is a lie. I never hit her."

I watched as hurt spread across his face. "Kendall..." He said weakly. "Then how could you hit me if you loved me more?"

The way he asked that question made me want to go play in front of traffic. I had loved Logan more then I loved anyone, yet I had hurt him so much. I still wasn't completely sure as to if my reasoning made sense, but he needed to hear it.

We were almost back to 2J at that point. "It's because she never drove me crazy like you did. The thought of her leaving me or cheating on me never bothered me. I didn't care. But when I thought about you leaving me it drove me insane. I thought that you had to be cheating on me because of my anger. And then when I hit you for the first time, it only got worse and worse." I said miserably.

"So, it was me?" He asked softly. Pain and hurt clearly written across his face. I felt my heart drop. He thought that it was his fault, how could he think that? It was my fault, it always had been. Did he really not know that?

"NO! Don't ever blame yourself. I was and still am a little fucked up in the head. But it was never your fault, never ever blame yourself. I'm the one you should blame. You should hate me, Logie. I fucked up really bad." I knew that the tears were about to spill from my eyes. I was frantic, I wanted him to know that he wasn't to blame. That it was all my fault.

I felt him pull me in to a hug and when he wrapped his arms around me, I finally broke down and started crying in his arms. "Kendall, you are changing. You will never have to be that person again. You fucked up but everyone makes mistakes. I love you so much, and I could never hate you. Well as long as you don't' go back to the way you were I could never hate you."

I pulled away from him and looked at him. He lifted up his hands to wipe the fallen tears from my eyes. "I love you so much Logan. And I promise, I will change. I will be the perfect boyfriend."

I clung to him and continued to let the tears fall. I felt him rubbing my back, but I was just content finally letting all my pain and regret go, by crying.

–

It had been almost two weeks since my breakdown to Logan. I was sitting next to him and we were watching the new episode of New Town High. I had been wanting to ask Logan where we stood. When I broke down we had both dropped the ever powerful, L word and I didn't know what to make of it.

"Logan?" I finally asked during a commercial. When he looked at me I finally continued. "What are we?" I finally asked.

He sighed and muted the television. "Look, I think we will be together one day, but we need to work on a friendship and build that back up before we can start a relationship again."

What he said made perfect sense and I knew that he was right. I knew that in order for us to have a successful relationship, we had to have a good friendship beforehand. But it didn't make it hurt any less knowing that he was right.

I nodded and then started to concentrate on the show again. But I knew that I wasn't okay with it, I walked up to my room and pulled out the familiar card I kept in my wallet.

-Hello?-

"Dr. Morrison? It's Kendall Knight."

-Kendall, I'm so glad to hear from you, I was worried that you weren't doing okay.-

"He doesn't want to be with me again. Not yet at least." I knew that I was on the verge of snapping. "I'm so frustrated and angry. I just want him back."

I knew that if anyone would know what to say to make me calm down and feel better, it would be Dr. Morrison. She was the one who had kept me strong and functioning all through my treatment.

-Well, things take time to heal and unfortunately all you can do is wait. I know that isn't what you want to hear but it's the truth. But when things are healed, I'm confident you and Logan will be together.-

At that moment, I knew calling her was a good idea. "Thanks, that is just what I needed to hear." I said with a smile.

–

Logan and I were sitting down watching some scary movie that he had gotten out of the redbox. "Why do they always go to investigate a funny noise when there is a killer on the loose?" I yelled throwing my hands in the air.

I couldn't help but think how unrealistic the movies were because no one was that stupid. "It's a movie, Kendall. If it was realistic everyone would survive and then what kind of horror movie would that be?" He said with a cocky grin on his face.

I smiled at him and watching with an amused look when he jumped when his phone vibrated. He pulled his phone out and looked at it before he looked at me. "Hey, Dak wants to talk to me. Do you mind if I got down there to see what's going on?" He asked.

I did mind. I sighed, and knew that I couldn't let him know that I didn't want him to go. I didn't want to be like I had been in the past, so I said. "Yeah, thats fine." I knew that he could tell it really wasn't fine.

"Just so its clear, my heart still belongs to you." He said softly and I couldn't help but perk up after hearing that. I smiled wide and looked at him with happiness clearly written on my face. It was what I needed to hear, to have the confidence to know that he was coming back to me.

"I'm happy to hear that." I said curtly. I watched sadly as he stood up to walk out the door. I couldn't help but be a little down that he was ditching me to go see Dak.

I paced around in my room for over twenty minutes. I couldn't help but think, what if he wants to move back in with Dak? What if he kisses Dak again? I knew that I may have been a little ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. And I only wished that I could stop the tears that were falling from my eyes. I heard the door slam, and knew that it had to be Logan.

"Kendall, will you come down here?" I heard Logan scream. I instantly ran down the stairs. I was afraid that my worst nightmare was about to become a reality.

When I got downstairs and saw him, he looked guilt ridden. "What's going on?" I asked nervously. It had to be something to do with Dak. He must have kissed him again, or agreed to date him or something. Why else would he be guilty.

"I need to talk to you, and its not me leaving you." He said. I couldn't help but think that we would have had to of been together for that to of happened. "I went to go talk to Dak and we kind of got into an argument."

"Wait, you two argued?" James asked surprised. It hadn't come as a shock to me though. I didn't like Dak, he was a dick and of course Logan and him would have argued.

"He told me that he wanted me to give a chance before I took Kendall back. I told him that I would be lying to myself that I needed to be with Kendall, he told me I was an idiot and that people like that could never change and that Kendall doesn't love me. That's when I told him that he was just mad that Tony never loved him enough to change." When Logan finally looked at me, my first were balled and I wasn't even attempting to hide or mask my anger. I didn't see the point. "And then he kissed me and I pushed him away and told him he was making it harder on himself that I love you." He said looking me. I could tell that he wanted me to believe him, and I did. I believed him with everything I had.

"How dare he kiss you, I'll fucking kill him!" I snarled. The only thing I wanted to do, was murder Dak Zevon.

I tried to go for the door but James and Carlos wrapped arms around me and were trying to restrain me. I felt Logan walk up to me and touch my cheek. I felt my anger leave for a second, only to return when I thought of Dak again. "Kendall, don't. He isn't worth it. I told him that I love you and want to be with you."

I knew that the only way I would get away from James and Carlos was if I acted like I was okay, and not angry. I softened my face and I felt James and Carlos let go of me. I ran as fast as I could to the stairs and bolted up them. "I'll fucking murder him." I kept muttering over and over again.

I could vaguely hear Logan behind me asking me not to do anything stupid. I tuned him out, I didn't want Logan to get in my brain. All I wanted to do was kill Dak. I wanted to make his face unrecognizable.

I banged on the door, and when Dak answered. "Is it true?" I yelled in his face. Ready to pounce on him if it was.

"It's true. I did kiss him." He said in a smug tone.

I felt the anger only boil more inside of me. I wanted to hit him as hard as I possibly could. "Big mistake, pretty boy. Let's see if you fans can recognize you after I'm done with you." I said letting the venom drip from my tongue.

Before I could land a punch though, I felt his fist collide with my jaw. I took a step back and swung to land a punch on Dak's stomach. I was blinded by rage and hatred, I started punching where ever I could. I pulled my left arm back ready to hit him in the side, but I saw Logan, and before I could stop my hand I felt my fist come into contact with his side.

I saw Logan fall down and I felt my eyes widen. Then the regret rushed over me. "Logie! I didn't mean to!" I said frantically. I didn't want him to think that I did it on purpose. I had come to far to slip up over something Dak did.

I watched him grab his ribs and he backed away from me, fear clearly written on his face. "Stay away!" I heard him yell.

I froze. I didn't go any closer. I didn't want him to be angry at me, and if I didn't listen to him it would only make it worse for me. I felt my rage come back and I tackled Dak. I was on top of him, delivering blow after blow. But I was pulled out of my tranced, when I felt someone dragging me off of him.

"Kendall, Logan in more important that this." I heard Carlos whisper harshly. What exactly happened registered in my head and I was sitting next to him looking at the ground.

"Logie, I didn't mean to. I swear, I would...I never..." I felt the tears already forming in my eyes and I didn't even bother to try and wipe them away. I felt an arm wrap around me and I looked over to see Carlos.

Logan looked terrified. "Kendall, you lost your temper. How do I know that couldn't have been me?" He asked.

I didn't want to talk about his in front of Dak. It would just give him more ammo to use against me when he and Logan fought. "Let's go back to the apartment and talk about this. I went to help him up but when he flinched away, I jumped back taking the hint that he didn't want me to touch him. I watched as James helped him up.

When we got back to the apartment I led the way up to my room. When Logan walked in, I walked over and went to close the door. "Please...leave it open." He said in a scared voice. I couldn't help but think about the last time we were in this room alone, together. I nodded, understanding why he was so scared and walked over towards him.

"Logan, I didn't mean to hit you. I really didn't." I said in a pleading voice. I was still crying and didn't even care. I needed him to know...to believe that it was a complete accident.

I watched as his hard face, softened a little bit. "I know you didn't Kendall. But you have to control your anger in general, not just when it comes to me." He said in a matter of fact tone.

"Logan, how would of you reacted had I told you that Jo kissed me?" I asked urgently. "You wouldn't have been happy about it." I knew that I was right, no matter what he said.

"I wouldn't have hit her." He said. "Kendall, you've made a lot of progress, its just hard watching you take a step back."

I couldn't help but get frustrated at him. Dr. Morrison had told me anger was a normal emotion, I was only human, and I was bound to get angry sometimes.

"Logan, a lot of other guys would have reacted the same way I did. I'm only human. When it comes to someone forcing themselves on you I will never be able to hide that anger. You mean too much to me to just let something like that go." I said.

"Kendall, you will never know what I went through because of you anger. I don't want to hold it over your head and that isn't what I'm doing. But you hurt me in some of the worst ways imaginable." I heard him say.

I knew that it was true. I knew that I would never know exactly what pain and suffering I had cause him. I knew that I could never fully make up for it, but I also knew one more thing.

"I know you aren't holding it over my head. Try and make me understand how I made you feel." I said softly. I knew that Logan was just expressing how he felt. I knew that he wasn't trying to hold anything over my head.

Logan stood there motionless for a few moments, he held up a finger for me to give a minute and then rushed out. I couldn't help but sit down and put my face into my hands. I didn't expect things to get talked about this early. I was afraid that Logan was still going to leave me. That he would never look back, and that I would never get another try.

Logan finally walked back in and threw me something. It was a notebook, one of the ones without wires in it.

"What's this?" I asked in a confused tone.

"You want to understand. Read it, outloud." He said and I knew that I couldn't argue or disagree.

I turned to the first page and looked at it for a few seconds before I started reading, because I finally realized what exactly this was. "The guy who was suppose to love me more then anything is the reason I'm here. He swore to protect me from everything, little did he know he was the one I would need protection from." I felt the regret well in my stomach. I looked up at him for a moment, silently telling him how sorry I was. "I can't even begin to wrap my head around what he has been doing to me the last few months. He hit me, used me, cheated on me and as if that wasn't enough he took all my friends away from me.

"Kendall has changed. The Kendall I loved would never do this to me. He used to be the one who could make me blush but now if I'm around him I wait to be hit. I feel so broken and stupid. How could I ever believe that he loved me. He didn't love me, he destroyed me. He broke me so that he could control me. He never cared about me. He forced me to have sex with him, maybe not directly but if I denied him he would have taken it anyways.

"I feel numb, like I will never love or care about anything again. I feel like I am going to die, and I can't take it. Kendall hurt me, he hurt me so much. I want to die, I want to get away from this pain and just end it all. I want this all to end. I need it to, because I can't keep living if all I ever have to think about is the pain I was caused. I can't help thinking I made him do it. I should have been better. I should have loved him more and been a better boyfriend. This is all my fault. I hate myself."

I couldn't look at him. I knew that this was his journal. This was from when he was in his treatment for cutting and suicidal thoughts. "That is how it made me feel." I heard him say softly.

"I made you hate yourself, when all along you should have hated me." I didn't understand why he hated himself. He truly should have hated my guts, but he didn't That thought alone made me start to cry again. "Logan, I'm so sorry. I was so fucked up, my thinking was way off."

"I wanted to die whenever I got out of the hospital. I wished that you had really killed me." He said. Logan's misery only made more tears fall and only made me feel more horrible.

"Logie, I can't promise that I will be able to control my anger in every situation, but when it comes to us fighting I will always keep it under control. I will never hurt you again."

I needed him to know that I was telling him the truth. He needed to know that I would never hurt him again. I never wanted him to shed another tear for me.

"You are going to have to show me that." He said looking me directly in the eye.

I couldn't help but to smile at him. "I will. I will make up for what I did everyday for the rest of my life, Logie."

Before I realized what was going on I felt his lips against mine, it was just a simple and quick peck, but to me it was perfect. "If you can keep doing as well as you have, I will be yours again in no time."

I felt my face get hot and I smiled as big as my mouth would let me. "I sure hope so."

–

A month had passed and I had decided to go to Dr. Morrison's private practice she had opened up to talk to her about everything that was going on. "So, how are things with you and Logan?" She asked in a curious voice.

I looked at her with a slight smile. "Things have been getting better. I'm positive that we will be together eventually. We have a friendship back, we can hang out and things almost feel normal again."

I knew that it was true. That things were slowly going back to the way they use to be. I was happy though, Logan and I were pretty much a couple, we just didn't have the label yet. "And what makes you so sure? You know that you will be together again?" She asked in a worried tone.

I couldn't help but smile. "Anyone who saw us together would think that we are really a kiss and cuddle all the time." She looked at me with concern clearly written on her face.

"Have any doubts run through your head?" She asked.

At first I wanted to lie. I wanted to tell her no, but I knew that there would always be doubts. I doubted whether or not I was good enough for Logan. "Of course there are doubts. What if he doesn't want to make it official because he's seeing someone else. What if he is just trying to get back at me. What if we never get back together and he just wants something casual."

She nodded knowing what I meant. "And how are you dealing with all of that?" She asked.

"I once read that love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to." I said. "For once, I'm trying to put all my faith and trust into Logan."

I looked down, not knowing if that was the right answer. But I was just hoping that it was good enough. Dr. Morrison said that my improvement over the last two months was phenomenal. That most patients weren't where I was for years. But I reasoned that it was because I had such an awesome incentive, Logan.

"Well, Kendall. I don't think it's necessary if you come here every week like you have. Why don't we try every other week and see how that goes?" She asked with a smile.

I nodded and walked out to the receptionist and made another appointment. I knew that I had made improvement, now I just needed Logan to see that.

–

It had been two weeks and Logan and I still weren't a couple. And the fact that in two weeks it would have been our one year anniversary was driving me crazy. I heard someone walk in and saw Carlos go and sit on his bed. "You know since your last appointment, you've been really down." Carlos said.

I smiled at him. Carlos had somewhat become my second shrink. I talked to him about everything and I was happy that I had him in my life again. "I'm just scared that in the end, Logan will choose not to be with me. I still have to somewhat prepare myself for that. And it doesn't help that it would have been our one year anniversary, two weeks from tomorrow."

I watched as Carlos' eyes lit up. "Why don't you do something special for him? Like a picnic, and all other kinds of things. Really show him how much you want him back. You've been working on that song from him, why don't you finish it and sing it?" Carlos said like a little kid, just bubbling with excitement.

I knew that would be my best chance to get him back. Carlos went to go get James, an hour later so I could tell them both what I needed them to do. When James was sitting in front of me, I smiled at the two of them. "Okay, this is what I need you two to do..." I said with a smile.

–

I was at the park, frantically trying to set up the area that I had the blanket on for me and Logan. I finally saw Carlos walking up with Logan's eyes covered. "Carlos, where did you bring me?" He asked impatiently.

I couldn't help but grin at him. "Open your eyes, Logie." I said in an amused tone.

Logan looked around, confused at first but then his eyes softened when he saw the picnic basket and blanket. "Why didn't you just bring me here?" Logan asked in a frustrated tone.

I knew that Logan would have freaked out had it been me to do what Carlos just did. "Well, I wanted you to be completely surprised and I didn't think you would take too kindly to me kidnapping you." I said with a slight chuckle.

"Probably not." I watched as he sat down on the blanket and started to reach for the basket. He was getting too anxious.

"No!" I yelled. I watched as he jumped and wanted to kick myself for being so stupid. "Sorry, I just want to give you something before we eat." I said. I reached for the lilies I had gotten him and handed them to him. I watched as he read the card I wrote to him.

I watched as his face lit up, while he read the card and then he looked at me. "Thank you." He said while taking in the sweet scent of the lilies.

I finally reached into the basket and started pulling out all his favorite things to eat. When I pulled out the cake I saw him lick his lips. "The cake is carrot cake, too." I said with a smile.

"Thank you for doing this, but you didn't have to." He said with a huge smile one his face.

"I wanted to, I wanted to be sweet to you like I was when we first started dating. I realized it has been a while since I have done anything like this for you." I wanted to show Logan that I could be the most amazing boyfriend in the world.

We ate and chatted about the band and all the crazy antics we had done since we had first met. After a half hour, I was ready for the next part. "Close your eyes, Logie."

I heard him scoff. "You know, I'm tired of having to close my eyes." He said in an annoyed tone.

"Just keep them closed." I said. While they were closed I pulled out the icing I had boughten and wrote "happy one year" on the cake I had my mom make for him. Finally after I was done, I told him to open his yes.

I watched as he stared at the cake, and I knew that he was going to cry. Today would have been one year. I knew that this was my chance. I handed him a card I had wrote. And when he opened it, I couldn't help but be nervous. I was asking him to be mine again, and I was desperately hoping he would say yes.

I watched as his eyes started to pour out tears. "Kendall, I don't know. I'm sorry though, I'm so sorry!" I watched as he stood up and ran away. I knew that this was a long shot, but thankfully I had planned on him saying no. I just needed to bring more razzle dazzle to the table.

I ran up to the apartment and changed clothes. I put on the outfit that Logan always said was his favorite. Black skinny jeans, and my yellow plaid button up. I grabbed my guitar and went to wait by the door. I knew that James would be bringing Logan back shortly.

When the door finally opened, I couldn't help but be amused that Logan's jaw dropped slightly. I knew that this was his favorite, but I didn't know it would have this kind of effect on him.

When I saw him, I started strumming the song I had been working on for us.

_'Cause the world stops_

_When I put my arms around you, around you, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters_

_And nothing even matters_

_It's like one for the haters and two for all of those_

_Who try to shut us down, they don't really know_

_There ain't nothing they can do that can tear us apart, no_

_I don't care about the money, don't care about the clothes_

_When we're together, baby, anything goes_

_'Cause we don't even need to prove what we feel in our hearts, no_

_This wall we built together_

_There ain't no way of knocking it over_

_We'll be here forever_

_Getting closer and closer, baby_

_'Cause the world stops_

_When I put my arms around you, around you, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters_

_And nothing even matters_

_They can all talk_

_Say what they want about us, about us, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters, woah_

_And nothing even matters_

_It's like the sound goes off and the people all freeze_

_They disappear and it's just you and me_

_Anything you want to do, anything that you please, oh, woah, no_

_Forget about our problems, forget about our past_

_I've seen the future and I know we're gonna last_

_Every second I'm with you just goes so fast, woah, oh, woah_

_This wall we built together_

_There ain't no way of knocking it over_

_We'll be here forever_

_That I told you, that I told you, baby_

_'Cause the world stops_

_When I put my arms around you, around you, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters, eh_

_And nothing even matters_

_They can all talk_

_Say what they want about us, about us, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters, woah_

_And nothing even matters_

_Nothing even matters, woah_

_And nothing even matters, woah_

_We don't even need to fight_

_Everything will be alright, oh, yeah_

_Nothing even matters but you and I_

_'Cause the world stops_

_When I put my arms around you, around you, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters, nothing even matters_

_And nothing even matters_

_They can all talk_

_Say what they want about us, about us, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters, woah_

_And nothing even matters_

_'Cause the world stops_

_When I put my arms around you, around you, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters, nothing even matters_

_And nothing even matters, baby_

_They can all talk_

_Say what they want about us, about us, oh, woah_

_And nothing even matters, woah_

_And nothing even matters_

I smiled once I finished playing the song. Carlos, James and I had made up some ridiculous choreography for the dance and they were even helping me by singing back ups. I looked at Logan trying to put everything into the look. "Did you write that?" I heard him ask.

I nodded at him. "I've been working on it since I was in the hospital. I've written a lot of songs, but I wrote this one for you. It took me more then two months to finish it. I needed a lot of inspiration." I said with a grin, I was hoping that he knew I meant him.

"I loved it. I loved the fact that you pretty much catpured everything we have been going thorugh." He said with sincerity.

"I was hoping you would say that. I worked really hard on this, now that this is out of the way. I wanted to ask you something." I knew that he would be nervous. He would think I was going to ask him to be mine again, but I threw him for a loophole. "Will you have dinner with me tonight? I have already made reservations."

I watched as he nodded, but he had confusion written on his face. "But...James said that you were..."

I didn't know what he was talking about. "He got Carlos to help him, didn't you think I would be helping him too? We had a feeling you weren't ready to be with him again so we planned this." I heard James explain.

I smiled at Logan and turned to leave. "Make sure you dress really nice, Logie. Oh and be ready in an hour." I walked up to my room and closed my door.

I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I didn't know what to do. I was freaking out. I got ready and an hour and a half later I was sitting across from Logan at Mesa Grill. He had been talking about wanting to come here for months so I knew that I had to bring him here.

I watched as he savored the taste of each bite he took, and hearing him moan and groan only made my pants incredibly tight. "Thank you for bringing me here. This was amazing." He said and his eyes were light and his face was bright.

"I am glad that you have enjoyed yourself. So there is something I want to give you." I fumbled in my pocket. I knew that this would have to work, I hoped and prayed it would. I had put so much effort into this it just had to work. I was nervous when I finally got hold of the ring and pulled it out. "I want to give this to you. If you accept it then I will know we are back together. If not, then we aren't. But this is a promise ring. It's my promise to you that I will never hit you or cheat on you or even hurt you for that matter."

I watched him nervously and waited for him to do something. It took him a few moments but he finally grabbed the ring and put it on his finger. "I love it." He said with a huge grin.

"So that means..." I said, hoping that he really meant it.

"This means we are back together." He said with a huge grin on his face.

"I'm glad that you said yes. I wanted us to start dating on the same day we originally started." I said being truthful.

"And why is that? Is it because you are a hopeless romantic?"

I couldn't help but laugh. I knew that I was, but that wasn't the reason. "Well yes, that is true. But also I'm horrible with dates. At least this way I will never forget our anniversary."

I watched him laugh and he gave me a gentle kiss.

–

Two weeks later, Logan and I were anxiously waiting for the elevator to get down to the lobby. We were both horny and wanted to get back to the apartment to take care of business. When the doors opened though, I was furious when I saw Dak walking out. "Abusive fuck." I heard him mutter under his breath.

I couldn't even begin to mask my anger, I opened my mouth ready with the perfect come back, but Logan stopped me. "Kendall, come on. Don't ruin our moment, love." He said. And that was all I needed. The anger inside me dissolved completely.

I smirked and then looked at Logan, then back at Dak. "You're right, Logan. Me making love to you is more important." I said making sure to look at Dak as I said it.

When the elevator doors shut, Logan was giving me a look of disbelief. "Do you always have to be so hateful to him?"

"Oh Logie, give me a break." I groaned. "Besides, you are always hateful to Jo."

he didn't say anything back to that. He couldn't. He had been glaring at Jo whenever he got the opportunity. We were finally in 2J and as soon as the door closed, Logan was against me devouring my lips. I slowly started guiding him to my room. When we got there, I slammed the door and locked it. The last thing I needed was for someone to come in.

I watched as he sat on my bed and pulled of his shirt. I figured that I might as well follow and pulled mine off as well. I laid on top of him and started kissing his neck, I couldn't help but grow harder with every moan he was letting out. I bit down on his pulse point and I couldn't help but grind into him when I heard him moan my name.

I let a smirk appear on my face and I started to make a trail of kisses down his chest. I felt my hair being pulled at. I reached the band of his swim trunks and licked the tip of his cock. I took in the tip and swirled it around in my mouth. I knew that he loved it when I did that. I slid my mouth down the entire length of him and almost gagged when I felt the tip touch the back of my throat.

I felt him pull me off and I couldn't help but pout a little bit. "It's been a while and I want this to last." He said.

I knew that it had been months for both of us. This was the first time we would have had sex since everything happened. I nodded and felt him flip me around. My trunks were off and he was kissing my stomach, I couldn't help but be a little surprised when he took my entire length into his mouth in one slick movement. I couldn't help but moan loudly.

I felt his tongue start to swirl at the tip and it was driving me insane. I wanted more. I had never bottomed before, but for once, I wanted to experience it. I wanted to know what it felt like.

"Logie." I moaned. "I want to feel you inside me."

I could see the confusion in his face. "Kendall, it's going to hurt." He said said in a worried tone.

I knew that already. I could still recall the pain Logan must have felt the first time we ever had sex. "I know, but I want to try it. Please." I waited for him to give me an answer and I couldn't help but be excited when he nodded. I reached over and pulled out the new bottle of lube I had bough a few nights before. I handed it to him and laid down.

I watched as he lubed up his fingers and looked at me with an unsure expression on his face. "Are you ready?" I nodded. I felt one finger enter and I felt my hole instantly tense up. It was painful, and it was only one finger. "You have to relax." He whispered. I nodded and then tried my best to act like it was nothing.

I felt him pull it out a little and then another digit was entered in my butt. I couldn't help but scrunch my face up in pain. By the time he was pulling them out, I still hadn't adjusted to the intrusion. I watched as he but a heaping amount of lube on his cock. "Relax." he whispered.

I was blinded with pain when he first entered me. I wanted to scream out in pain. I was fisting the pillow my head was lying under and I wanted to cry. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" He asked in a concerned tone.

I shook my head no. "Go in more." I whispered, despite all the pain I was feeling. When he was finally in, I didn't know if I could take all the pain. It was the most painful thing I had ever felt in my entire life. "Move." I hissed, trying to relax and enjoy this.

After the first few thrust I was enjoying it. I was loosened and I couldn't help but beg him to go faster. He started pumping as fast as humanly possible. I felt him hit something and I threw my head back in complete pleasure. "OH God!" I screamed.

I felt Logan hit it over and over again. I kept calling out his name. I felt him start to pump me, which let me know that he was just as close as I was to losing it. I finally lost it and I listened as Logan moaned and felt him thrust in harder than all the other ones. I knew that he had came.

"That wasn't' so bad." I said softly, ignoring the pain that was still in my bottom.

I watched as he smiled. "I tried to be as gentle as I could, but next time...you're fucking me." He said. I knew that he probably liked bottom more, just like I preferred top. I kissed his nose and snuggled him in closer to me. I couldn't help but play with his hair. "I love you, Kendall." He said in a happy tone.

I couldn't help but smile and be overcome with joy. "I love you too, Logan." I said with a smile on my face. "We should get dressed so when James and Carlos come home they don't have to wait to come in."

We got dressed and went back to the pool. But I was a little angered when I saw Dak talking to James and Carlos, after I assured Logan I would be fine and had to learn to control myself. We walked to our friends but as soon as we got there, the jokes started flying.

"Oh god, he's glowing!" James said jokingly. I couldn't help but wonder who he was talking about.

"Kendall got it in!" Carlos said, quoting the Jersey Shore. I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh at him.

"Well technically, Logan got it in." I said with a grin. I felt Logan nudge me softly.

"Hey, they don't need to know details." Logan said getting a little frustrated. I knew that it was because Dak was standing there. It all came back down to Dak, and I couldn't help but get a little upset about that.

"I never took you as a bottom, Kendall." Dak said in a taunting voice. I wanted to shut him up. But I knew that I couldn't hit him.

"Ah, what can I say heat of the moment." I said with a smirk and I couldn't help but feel satisfied that Dak's face had turned into a frown. "Look Dak, Logan and I are together and I know that we are going to last. He still sees you as a friend, for some odd reason. I don't want to take his friends away this time."

I watched as he looked down. "I want to be friends with Logan. But when he's with you I don't know if its possible. Do you really expect me to believe that in a matter of three months you've changed enough to be with him? You may have Logan fooled, but not me." He said in a cocky tone.

My first instinct was to hit him, but I fought the urge. I watched as Logan stood up to face Dak. "Dak, you don't know Kendall as well as we do. He's changed, he is where he needs to be." He said coming to my defense. And I was happy that he had.

"Oh, so is that why he came banging on my door yelling at me?" He asked in a tone that was dripping pure venom.

"That was two months ago!" I yelled, rising to my feet also. "A lot has changed in two months."

I could see that he was happy that I was reacting this way. I had to calm myself down. "Is that why you're screaming?" He asked me.

"I'm tired of you. Like Logan said, you don't know me. All that matters is that Logan sees I've changed. And I dn't give a shit what some low life pretty boy thinks." I said trying to get him to back down. But the time I was finished talking, I was an inch away from his face.

I felt his hands come up to push me and before I knew it we were exchanging blows and fighting. I was trying to overpower Dak, but he fighting background gave him a one up. He was finally straddling me and was winding back to punch. I felt someone shield my face and I knew instantly it was Logan.

I was in a trance like state when I felt Logan's finger grazing over my bruises and cuts on my face. "Logie, I'm sorry." I said. I didn't want him to get mad at me for fighting Dak. I didn't want him to think I was starting to go back to what I was.

"It's okay. Now that you two got that out of your system, you both need to move on. I want you as my friend Dak but all these snide comments have to stop." Logan said directly at Dak.

I watched as he looked down in shame and told Logan he was right. "Sorry dud." He said we shook hands and for the first time, he meant it.

"I am too. Lets just put it all behind us, for Logan." I said. I knew that Logan was smiling and I was happy when Dak nodded his head in agreement.

Later that night Logan and I were laying in my bed. "Do you really love me?" I heard him ask and I couldn't help but to be a little offended at the question.

"Of course." I said, continuing to rub his back. "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't of worked so h ard to change and get you back." I said trying to make him realize I truly did love him.

I felt him get serious and look at me. "I need to say this. If you hit me again, I will leave. I will go back to Minnesota and you will never see me again." I knew that he meant it, after everything I had put him through I knew that this wasn't a bluff.

"Well, then I guess it's a good thing that I don't plan on doing it again." I said with a grin. I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. I wanted him to stay the night with me, after everything, I felt that I deserved to feel him next to me all through the night.

"Well, I'm off to bed." He said and went to go stand up. But instead I held him down. I didn't want him to go.

"No, don't go." I pleaded. I wanted him next to me, cuddling and letting me kiss him gently.

"Kendall, we decided that I was going to sleep in a different room. We both know its best to have a little separation." I knew that he was right, I just didn't want to admit to it.

"But one night won't hurt." I pleaded trying my best to give him my puppy dog eyes.

"Kendall..." He said. I knew that he wasn't going to give up so I just nodded and laid down. Carlos came in not to long after that.

"Logan still won't sleep in the same bed as me." I said sadly.

Carlos just perked up a little. "He's trying to make sure you guys last this time. See the positive, not the negative."

I couldn't help but smile. Leave it to Carlos to put me in a better mood. I laid down and couldn't think of how my life had changed drastically in three months. I had the love of my life back and I wanted to spend my life with him, now only time would tell how things played out.

**The End**

**A/N: So I made it through 17/26 pages before I just started skimming on my editing. Hope there weren't too many mistakes.**

**Also, I will be making a new "story" with a series of one shots from all my BTR stories. Like Tainted Love, this one, Everybody Loves Somebody and Love and Hate, and all the other BTR stories I finish. They will be just random one shots from the stories. I'm working on a one shot now, and I hope you all will check it out when I post.**


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